It has recently come to my attention that books still exist. I know. What the hell? If we, as a people, are truly devoted to making our society futuristic then we must act quickly. I have already donated several dollars to investigate the mounting dilemmas blocking our glorious advancements towards futurism.
The Institute for Future Development (IFD) did a three year study and the results yielded these three steps to reaching a proper future, safely:
1. Burn all car tires. This will both prove that pollution doesn't exist, as this will in no way affect our atmosphere, and will bring us closer to fully functional flying cars.
2. Shave yourself. In the future all human beings will be hairless and androgynous. To speed up this process, remove all hair from your body. (side note: do not use Nair, because in the future, this will be a form of liquid currency)
3. Invest in Soy Gum. In the future, the IFD found, Soy Gum will either be the cause of, or antidote to, all of earths major viruses and disease. In either case, it will be very interesting watching this baby in your stock portfolio.
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